I know a bartender who makes a mean Bloody Mary. I’ll call him Bill, because that’s his name.
He would love to market his secret recipe but “Bill’s BM Mix” sounds more like the name of a bike store, or worse, something unfit to drink.
If you think this is where I unveil Bill’s magic method for concocting the best Bloody Mary this side of Jenkins — well, you are sadly mistaken. Bill won’t part with it.
In fact, whenever the subject is broached, he gets a sly grin on his face and his eyeballs shine with dollar signs as he rubs his fingers together in that universal pantomime that says, “Show me the money.”
I’ve never been able to afford the $5 it would take to get his recipe, but it sure did get me to thinking — and concocting.
One needs to be careful when researching the intricacies of creating the perfect Bloody Mary. While there are many possible combinations of splashes, spices and deliciously edible garnishes, it is important to remember the key ingredient in the drink is vodka — preferably something top-shelf.
That said, if it takes more than six attempts to reach perfection, the whole process could get quite messy. Therefore, I will take it upon myself to conduct this dangerous but oh-so-necessary research. God speed!
Hey, they were all pretty good — ‘cept not as good as Steve’s or Bill’s or whoever he is, you know that bartender just south of North Jenkins I told you about? The one that makes the best Muddy Larry this side of, where was that again?